And then there’s the increasing trend by our omniscient government to ensure that it’s wards not only know about the evils of salt overdose, but are also prevented from consuming too much salt, by force if necessary. Hello, New York!

“No owner or operator of a restaurant in this state shall use salt in any form in the preparation of any food for consumption by customers of such restaurant, including food prepared to be consumed on the premises of such restaurant or off of such premises,” reads a recent bill introduced in the “New York Legislature that, if passed, would ban the use of salt in restaurant cooking.”

I wish I could make this stuff up. But I can’t.

Soon we’ll be looking at bills that would make any risky behavior verboten. No more multiple orgasms; no more tequila shooters; no more green chili cheeseburgers; no more obnoxiously loud rock muzak; no more endless hours surfing the InterNut.

The possibilities are endless and may soon affect a neighborhood near you.

George Orwell, where are you?

posted by Mudd

“Thirty-eight states, including New York and California, have fetal homicide laws on the books. But according to the nonpartisan National Conference of State Legislatures, these laws are intended to criminalize ‘fetuses killed by violent acts against pregnant women,’ not by the woman herself.”

“The [Utah] legislation is the first in the country to hold a woman criminally liable for the death of her fetus.”

The long arm of the law just got longer.

posted by Mudd

Microchip implants? First your dog, then your cat, then your monkey – then you.

woof woof!

posted by Mudd

According to Professor Jeroen Raes, “Basically, we are a walking bacterial colony.”

And, as some have posited, Homo erectus asphaltus may, in fact, have evolved simply to help gut gas find a bigger field of expression. “We have about 100 times more microbial genes than human genes in the body. We also have 10 times more bacterial cells in our body than human cells,” said the erudite professor Raes.

Flatulence or bust!

posted by Mudd

And for all you Vegetablistas out yonder – “Meat – a more concentrated form of energy – not only meant bigger brains for our ancestors, but also an end to the need to devote nearly all their time to foraging to maintain energy levels.”

And then there was the iPhone…..

posted Mudd

Nothing like gambling to get folks out for a march. As Alabama’s Governor, Bingo Bob Riley, continues to send his Anti-Gambling Task Force agents on raids against the evil one-armed bandits, folks on both sides of the issue are beginning to get hot under the proverbial collar. For every bingo parlor closed, dozens of pink slips follow. So the Reverend Jackson says he’ll hit the streets because “The state is so poor, how they can afford to lose this many jobs, this much income?”

Another reason to legalize marijuana: jobs!

Come on down and join the fun.

Bingo!

posted by Mudd

Yeah, and Garth Brooks is coming back to do a disco album.

Where do the pundits get this stuff? Of course, we’re talking about the news as reported by the NYT’s mini-site called “Dot.earth.” And to make things more risible, the site’s slogan is “Nine billion people. One planet.” The irony? When our lovely planet hits 9 billion Homo erectus asphaltus, all armed with laptops, iPhones, GPS units, and hybrid-Humvees, there won’t be a blade of grass left standing. Soylent Green will look tame compared to the dystopian quagmire we’ll find ourselves in.

Let’s say it again: If you ain’t talking population, you ain’t green. Kermit notwithstanding.

posted by Mudd

Homo erectus asphaltus is shaping its own evolution? You mean to say that a daily diet of wide-screen TV, X-Box, wifi, iPod, Twitter, Fazebuke, MySpaced, UToob, Fox News, text messaging, GPS, CNN, MSNBC, BBC, ENN, and other assorted alt.binaries, is altering our freaking DNA?

Of course it is! We don’t need a rocket scientist to tell us that “People adapt genetically to sustained cultural changes, like new diets. And this interaction works more quickly than other selective forces, ‘leading some practitioners to argue that gene-culture co-evolution could be the dominant mode of human evolution’”.

Oops… gotta run. My Twitter gizmo is calling….

posted by Mudd

There goes the Mayan Calendar!

posted by Mudd

As 75-year-old Thomas Frye of Camarillo told the Ventura County Star, “We’ve abandoned common sense where the need for licenses and fees are more important than tradition.”

No wonder a majority Americans now believe their “government” presents a threat to personal liberty.

Gimme a doughnut!

posted by Mudd