Monkey Island

This post will mean much of nothing to most readers; but I post it anyway – because I can.

According the erudite Birmingham News (Alabama), “Workers this week began dismantling [Monkey] island — a popular stopping point for decades and the background for countless snapshots and home movies — as they transform the area into part of the zoo’s new Trails of Africa exhibit.”

Most folks probably don’t understand the complexities of such a thoughtless and retro act. Besides serving as a backdrop to countless home movies (aren’t all home movies shot on location at Monkey Island?), this historic landmark stands as a beacon to what Homo erectus asphaltus has become in a few short years, give or take 10,000.

To see our cousins swinging on ropes across a pile of government built rocky mounds, ever alert for an endless supply of subsidized peanuts via the goodwill of an endless stream of tourists, is to behold our species in its natural environment. Spider monkeys are smart cookies, especially in the presence of gawking humans. It takes a certain skill to manipulate millions of tourists into throwing free food into your habitat. And don’t forget free health care!

This is a sad affair, ladies and gentlemen. One of our nation’s finest laboratories of human nature is being dismantled as we speak. If there’s a silver lining to the story, it has a familiar ring to it – “Visitors can buy pieces of the island for $10 a chunk.”

Laugh if you feel inclined, but I’ll be down there when the gates open, cash in hand. When they offer you a piece of Sigmund Freud’s couch for a measly ten bucks, you jump on it!

Calling Cheeta!

posted by Mudd